Adoption is Love… Adoption runs deep in our family and it is truly one of the most amazing things on this planet. When I was a little girl, I never knew anyone who was adopted, I didn’t even know about it. Nobody spoke about people being adopted, at least not in my family. I probably went to school with children that were adopted but never knew, now I wish I did. So many adoptions aren’t recognized, and people go on in their lives feeling like its not something they can talk about. Some children were and probably are told to never tell anyone and that whoever adopted you are your parents and that’s how it is. Someone once told me that they got scolded as a child for mentioning that they were adopted and to me that was so sad.
When we decided to adopt, it came very natural. My husband was adopted as an infant, his sister was adopted as an infant, I have a 10 year old old sister that was adopted by my step-mom and dad at birth, I have a 16 year old brother who was adopted by my step-mom and dad at birth and I have 2 cousins who were also adopted, one at 18 months and the other at 11. All of these made the decision that much easier. We knew that whoever was adopted into our family would have plenty of others to relate to including their own daddy. (Picture right- adopted brother, middle left- ME, middle right- adopted sister, right- our JJ)
There are different types of adoption, but the most basic terms are Open Adoption or Closed Adoption. Back in the day, closed adoptions were much more common than they are now, and many agencies will only advocate for open adoptions. Many agencies believe that the main goal should be to reunify the biological family with the child. In many cases this has worked, unfortunately, its not always whats best for the child.
Open adoption is so wonderful and can mean many things. Open adoption can be as much as sending pictures, and an update to the biological family once per year or actually having the biological family part of the child’s life.
It is so very important to us that we had an open adoption with our daughters biological family. From seeing it work within the other adoptions in our family, it was definitely in our plan… For JJ (our daughter) we have always been 100% honest with her. She knows that we adopted her when she was born, she knows she didn’t grow in my tummy and she knows how badly we wanted a baby. JJ knows that her biological family love her and although we don’t see them, she is in their hearts.
Spending lots of time with JJ’s birthmom before she was born helped me learn what our girl might be like (thats another post). Some days she drives me crazy, but most days she has this personality that I am proud to know that she got it from her birth mom. Maybe not all of her personality came from her genetic side but I lift her birth mom up high. The tough and witty side of JJ that I see, I saw in her birth mom and for that I am grateful. Although we are JJ’s parents, she will always have a piece of her birth mom, and that is love.
I’m sure I will touch more on adoption as time goes on but for now, I feel thankful. I feel thankful that JJ’s birth mom chose us to be her parents, and that we get to give her the life that her birth mom wanted for her.