When going through infertility, one of the hardest parts is the stress you feel and the weight that is present every single day. We focus on the negatives because we have been dealt pretty shitty cards already with the diagnosis of infertility. We go in downward spirals and feel like we’re suffocating either from unending infertility or process that goes into each and every treatment. We often feel alone, like we are the only ones and that nobody understands us and that is draining and so very emotional.
Like I’ve said in my beginning blog posts, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 12 years. I started with clomid, Gonal F, stimulating drugs, and as of recently 2 failed Frozen Embryo Transfers with donated embryos. These last two transfers about killed me. I was depressed inside, I felt extremely alone and once again like a failure… I felt like I couldn’t share with people how I actually felt, I had to be big and take care of our 5 year old, and I couldn’t let her see the sadness that had taken over. I had a hard time getting it together until one day I discovered a 6 week course called Mindfulness for Fertility. I had followed the lady for a while who puts on the course, loving her affirmations and positivity as we were on this journey that felt like Hell.
So, I took the plunge and signed up for the course. I had another Frozen Embryo Transfer coming up and felt like I had to do something different. I needed to get out of the funk, connect with like minded people and be truly prepared for our next transfer. I messaged with Sarah trying to figure out how it would work because I have a daughter and the class was at 7:30 but only 4:30 my time, which meant I would have to figure out what I would do with her during that hour. Well I figured it out. My husband said you need to figure out a way to do this course, bribe her, offer her candy, whatever you need to do. So I did. Every Thursday from 4:30-5:30 I would let her watch whatever movie she wanted and could have a treat after as long as she was as quiet as could be and could be self sufficient for that hour.
So the class began, this was two weeks from time of my next transfer and I was already in a more positive mindset just because I had signed up for the course. This was a conference call that I had to call into which was very easy to do from my computer, and would be easy to do from a smartphone as well. I could see myself and the other people that were doing the course and felt this immediate sense of relief. I wasn’t the only one. I didn’t know any of these other women (there were 10-12 of us) but seeing their faces gave me a sense of realness. (I have an instagram with over 900 followers dedicated to my embryo adoption) This was the first time feeling connected to real live people even though I had no idea their situation. We all waited to get started and then we did. We started with 3 deep breaths, this was extremely relaxing and really helped ease into introductions. We then all told our stories, why we were doing the course. There was everything from trying to get pregnant naturally, trying to reduce stress before their next transfer or IUI, starting over after miscarriage or loss, etc… You could hear the hurt in some of their voices and I hoped that they felt like I felt, just a little bit better knowing they weren’t alone.
After every class Sarah would send us a detailed document of the things we discussed and things to practice before next class, this was helpful as we didn’t really take notes during the class. So after the first class we really dove into how to be mindful during this stressful time of infertility. Every class would begin with the deep breaths and a check in of everyone’s week. There was one person who was waiting to hear if her transfer had took and so seeing her face during the class just made me smile, no matter her outcome, she was so so brave for sharing with us her strengths and weaknesses. We spoke about our ways that we practiced being mindful that week, whether it was taking baths, walking through the forest and listening to the leaves crunch, practiced yoga, did meditation, found a meditation app or maybe we weren’t mindful at all, and for recognizing that, we were being mindful. There was a class that taught some basic infertility yoga poses, with a live yoga instructor that we could follow along (unfortunately, I missed that one but got to watch it later). We talked about the foods we are putting in our bodies and how important it is to eat Organic if you can. One of the classes even taught self hypnotherapy which is so very helpful in this whole process. A great thing about the class was the ability to go watch or rewatch the class at a later time, because well life happens. This class had Sarah and Amira teaching the class, helping us learn techniques and they do it so well.
What did this 6 week course do for me? This course helped me immensely dig much deeper into myself and learn how to do things I’ve never been able to do. One day after my transfer I was walking my dog through a wooded area near our house and I noticed myself smiling as I was walking. I noticed the beauty that I was walking through and I noticed that I noticed. I felt so mindful. Another time during this I took a bath; normally I’m looking at my phone, sitting in the hot hot water not disengaging at all. But this bath was different, I turned on one of the meditation podcasts that Sarah and Amira mentioned and was relaxing more than ever before. Another thing I did during this course was I found myself happy and calm, I found that I could accomplish this if I put my mind to it. I was scared the first two transfers, so scared it wouldn’t work. This time was different. Although it was scary I felt like if it didn’t work I would be ok.
And, after all of this, I am happy to say that I AM PREGNANT! I truly believe that this course helped me to relax, learn to meditate and to pay attention to my body.
The course Mindfulness For Fertility was amazing! I would recommend this to anyone who is trying to conceive, have had loss, and those who are currently pregnant. You won’t be sorry when you sign up!!
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Go to http://www.fabfertile.com for more information about this course!