Sharing…

Sharing…

It is very vulnerable of me to share. I go back and fourth about how much I want to share and with whom. I originally had connected my blog to my facebook and then I got a comment from a friend and disconnected the two. It felt weird having my middle school friend knowing all of my business. But then my sister asked me why do I not want to share, why do I not want people I know to know. I had told her that it felt like then people would think I am crying for help or looking for this pity support. She told me that is not what people think.

So, the other day I connected my facebook to my blog again… I got several comments on Facebook from family and friends of well wishes, etc… And you know what? It felt good. It made me feel like I was heard and that this is a real part of me and it is happening, every single day.

One of the goals that I have with my blog is that people learn that they aren’t alone in this infertility world and if that means out of my 200 facebook friends, maybe 2 will go through or have gone through it themselves, then maybe I helped them in some way. Before I connected with Instagram and Facebook in the infertility community I felt very alone. I felt very frustrated that people would say the stupid things like “it will happen when you least expect it”, or “its just not your time”, or “put your legs on the wall and have sex every day”, oh the list goes on. I still chuckle a little when people say these things but I know that I have such a big community of people who have also heard these things that I can bounce them off of them and vent to people who “get it”.

When I learned of Embryo Adoption/donation I was shocked, it felt so foreign and when I told other people in my own circle of people, they were also like, “woah, I’ve never heard of that before!” But, with that said, now that I know so much about it, I feel so confident to be able to share about it, I feel so confident in promoting it and have real life experience with it. I have so many highs and lows with it that I feel like I now could be someones mentor on the subject and help someone get started on the process, just like so many were for me. The same goes for regular adoption. I feel so passionate about it and would support anyone who made that decision and feel that my knowledge could really help someone make the decision to move forward.

I know my blog right now isn’t where I want it. I want it seen, I want people to ask questions, I want to help others feel comfortable sharing my story to maybe help them share theirs. Sharing is hard, and while I thought people would think I’m sharing too much, I needed to get past those people, because this is my story and I’m going to do me.

So, as I sit here with my super cute new lap top cover (pineapples are the best!), and type away, I hope this hits home to some. Don’t be scared to share, you are brave and strong and just be you! xoxo

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Happy New Year!

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And there you have it! We have entered to 2018, and I think I’m ready! Our 2017 was a whirlwind and seemed to have lots of ups and downs. Hubby and I seemed to stay healthy for the most part but poor little Josie girl had her fair share of ear infections and strep throat which led to her having her tonsils and adenoids out. The weather here in Washington was really gross until about June and then the rain went away and it got super hot! Never seems like theres a happy medium… 2 weeks before Christmas Darrell surprised me with the suggestion we head to California for Christmas and I had never been so excited to go back with family for the Holidays. I knew what it meant; a very long drive, jumping from house to house, a whole lot of packing, and much more, but all of it sounded wonderful! So we went. We soaked up so much sunshine, so much sand, and as much family time that we could have endured and although we’ve only been home only less than a week, I miss California so so much. But, here we are back in Washington and its time to get this year moving.

So far I’ve not been very productive and feeling a bit lost. Josie went back to school yesterday and Darrell went to work and although I was sad our family time was over, I was glad to have time by myself to get things done. So, I spent the day cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, you know all the housewife type things… Today I woke up feeling different. I woke up feeling unproductive, and just down in the dumps. I once again felt defeated by infertility and I hated it. I am so fearful of the future and while I’m confident in the clinic that we now have chosen, I’m not that confident in myself. I also never do well in limbo so while I know transfer won’t be too far away, I HATE waiting. So, for now, we are working on transporting our little embies to the new clinic and getting started on my cycle. There are some days where I want to scream out to the world, “don’t you know the shit I’m going through?!” but I don’t. I stay quiet. I quietly think my thoughts and just work through them.

I don’t know what this year will hold, but I can only hope that one of these little embies will snuggle in tightly and we will be able to welcome a baby into our lives. I’m trying to stay positive and really appreciate all of your love and hope for our family.

Always XOXO,

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